A Day In The Life Of A 1 Year Old
*Cue the first sign of light at approximately 5:02am* IS THAT LIGHT! IT MUST BE MORNING! Well, time to wake everyone up. You know, if it wasn’t for me, they’d probably sleep the whole day. *clears throat* WAHHHHHHH! WAHHHHHHH! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It’s been 8 seconds and no one came in yet. Something must be wrong. I […]
The holiest of craps
As parents, life is full of little “holy crap” moments. They can range from the good like “holy crap, did you see him take his first steps?!” to the bad like “holy crap, what did you just put in your mouth?” to the literal like “holy crap, what did this kid eat?” Occasionally, there is […]
I Can Now Say I’ve Walked Through Hell and Survived.
My daughter just had diarrhea while wearing undies and pants and didn’t tell me. She then took off her pants and undies and got it all over her legs, arms and hands. Not to mention all over the floor. At first I started to run away because…well obviously I don’t need to explain why I […]
Tongue Tied
My son was born with a tongue tie, but it didn’t demand the immediate attention of anyone in the hospital when he was born, nor did it cause any concern from his pediatrician until he began showing a delay in speech. We took the “wait and see” approach, exhausting every avenue before deeming surgery necessary. […]
World War 3 aka Mealtime
It’s 8am. You’re in the kitchen with your 3yo and you ask her “what do you want for breakfast today?” Her reply “cereal”. You glare at her trying to decipher if you believe her or not. She stares back at you and never blinks. “Ok…cereal it is.” And she leaves the kitchen. But you’re still […]
Doing away with sarcasm in the toddler age
I am one of those unfortunate douchebags who falls back on sarcasm all too frequently. It’s not a great trait. It’s especially not great when in the company of a toddler learning the ins and outs of verbal communication. Cursing has been easier for me to curb than expected with adequate replacements to sub in […]
20 perks to being pint-sized
My firstborn was a preemie, coming into the world 8 weeks early after yours truly had a nasty spat with eclampsia and HELLP syndrome that nearly killed us both. While I can say the monstrously high blood pressure, low blood platelets, seizures, and failing kidneys are safely in my past, my son has had trouble […]
Why I Laugh When My Kid Falls Down and Eats It
Me and my kid are walking down the sidewalk headed towards the playground. The sun beaming down on my daughter’s hair as it blows effortlessly in the wind. I take a minute to think how great it must be to be a 3yo. No worries, no cares, just happy to be running free. She […]
Our Trip to the Bathroom at Target
On one of my many, MANY trips to Target, my daughter lets me know that she has to pee. So I lead her to the bathroom. We enter the 4 stall bathroom. Two are occupied, one is out of order and the other one should be quarantined and blocked off by police tape. I explain […]
About The Authors
THE MOMS
Dara and Emily are two stay-at-home moms living in North Carolina who survive the everyday chaos of parenting by handling it with humor and lots of wine. I mean so much wine. Really.
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If having a two year old has taught me anything it’s that I will 100% negotiate with terrorists.
I will also cuddle terrorists.
"She didn't have a tattoo but she did have a permanent stain on her shirt that was part toothpaste, part Nutella and part kids' bodily fluids. "
- My tombstone, someday
Wife: Where’s his playground ball?
Me: Right here.
Wife: No that’s his bath ball.
Me: This?
Wife: No that’s his indoor ball.
Me: How about this one?
Wife: No that’s the ball he sleeps with.
Me: *crying* This?
Wife: No it’s Thursday. That’s his Mon/Wed ball.
“He’s very silly and goofs around but he knows exactly when to stop and get serious.”
-my 10yo’s teacher, referring to a fictional child I’ve never met, apparently
