*Cue the first sign of light at approximately 5:02am*
IS THAT LIGHT! IT MUST BE MORNING! Well, time to wake everyone up. You know, if it wasn’t for me, they’d probably sleep the whole day. *clears throat*
WAHHHHHHH! WAHHHHHHH! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It’s been 8 seconds and no one came in yet. Something must be wrong. I guess I need to move on to plan B. A full on kicking assault on my crib railings.
Look who it is! Hi mommy! You look tired. Anyways, I have a gigantic poop that when I did my leg workout this morning to help you wake up, exploded out of my diaper and is all the way up my back to my neck. Gonna need you to handle it.
While you’re cleaning up what is a bigger mess than the Gulf Oil Spill of 2010, let me try and grab these curtains that keep teasing me because they’re 3 feet away. So I’m going to try to roll off this changing pad to reach them.
Oh good, you’re done! Now, I’m feeling quite famished from my morning workout. Can I have some food? I would like a yogurt. I’m thinking blueberry. If you try and give me strawberry, I’ll slap the spoon out of your hand. I also would like oatmeal. It needs to be 101.4 degrees. Not a degree off or I will slap it away as well.
Ok, it’s time for me to play. I plan on fooling you by playing nicely until you try to sneak away to go clean up the kitchen. Then I’ll cry hysterically until you come back and sit and watch me as I continuously spin this wheel on this car over and over again.
Time for a book. I want to turn the pages though. So I’ll grab 4 pages and turn them all at once and then do it again. When the book is over in 2 pages, I will scream because I missed my favorite page. But don’t even try and find it. It’s obvious that that page is gone forever and I’m going to cry until i see another wheel I need to spin.
*yawn* I see that look of hope in your eye. You think it’s time for a nap. Well, you would be mistaken…zzzzzzzzzzzz. As you move me up the stairs, then slowly and quietly set me in my crib, I wait until you just about get the door closed when I flip over and start screaming. You thought I was sleeping. But all i needed was that 15 seconds. I feel like a new baby! Wait! Where are you going? Come back! I’m not tired….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
*2 hours later*
I’M UP! Time to make sure they didn’t forget about me! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Oh, there you are. I was up here forever waiting for you to get me. I missed you! Pick me up and let me hug you with an unexpected headbutt. I’m hungry though, so can you get me a fruit pouch I can squeeze part of in my mouth and the rest of it in my lap? Also, these Cheerios aren’t going to throw themselves on the ground. After this, let’s go to the park.
Ooo the park! I love riding in the stroller. This is so relaxing. Annnnnd I pooped. Time to head back to the car. After you clean me up, I wanna go to the playground.
This mulch looks delicious. I’m just going to take a quick bite. HEY! Why’d you stop me?! That’s fine. I already filled up on some dead leaves when you weren’t watching anyways.
Ah, bedtime…It’s been a long day and I’m exhausted. I’ll take my milk at lukewarm and my bear pajamas please. I’d also like the Animal book and the ABC song as my lullaby. Then I’ll lay in your lap as you rock me back and forth. This is my favorite time of day mommy. I love you.
*2am* IS THAT DAYLIGHT?!?! Better call mommy and double check.