It’s approaching your baby’s bedtime. Before the confetti drops and you and your husband kick back to watch one of the many shows you’re probably seasons behind on, you need to get that kid to sleep. So operation “Subdue The Spawn” commences.
You get him fed, changed and dress him in his favorite fuzzy PJs. Then you see it, the yawn…YES! Now quick! Find his favorite doggy.
Not there. Not there either. Uh oh… While holding your baby like a football, you bob and weave, ignoring your husband asking where his phone is and your cat who decided she wanted pets right at the worst time. You hop over toys, piles of laundry and all the random shoes without a match. It’s nowhere.
You pass the baby to you husband, who’s still looking for his phone. When you realize you can’t find it in plain sight, you start to panic.
You start searching couch cushions, under chairs, in toy boxes. Nothing. Did he have it in the car? Did you bring it in? No, he’s had it since he’s been inside since then. Hasn’t he?
So you run out into the snow and check the truck. Not there. Has Amazon developed those drones that deliver stuff right to your door yet the second you order it yet?
You run back inside. As soon as your feet cross the threshold, you immediately get down on all fours. Because maybe if your at the baby’s eye level, you’ll spot it. You crawl around the house feeling the desperation start consuming you.
In your head you’re screaming “I JUST WANT TO WATCH MY SHOW! PLEASE GOD, WHERE IS THIS DOG?!”
You start aggressively searching through stuff. Throwing toys in the air, tossing pillows, chairs and books like your the police searching for a stash. WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY BLANKETS?!
You give up. You sit defeated in the corner while staring out the window at the night sky. You wonder if your favorite character ever escaped that prison…wait…or was it a burning building? You can’t even remember what happened in the last episode because it’s been that long since you had a chance to watch any TV.
Your husband tries to put the baby down but it’s not working. So much for that show you wanted to watch. Now you and your husband are on a search and rescue mission to recover the dog.
After 15 minutes of looking, you’re both holding each other in the kitchen sobbing. You decide you need a tissue and head to the bathroom to retrieve one to wipe the mascara that has rained down your face from your devastation.
You accidentally kick the step stool for the potty. And you see it. That smug little smile on your son’s favorite doggy staring back at you. You grab that doggy and run around the house screaming that you found it. Your husband picks you up and swings you around. You’re a champion! At this moment, you’ve never been so proud of yourself.
You run upstairs and hand it to your son, who immediately calms down. You shut the door, slide down the railing of the stairs like Zack Morris did on Saved By The Bell and your husband catches you at the bottom. You both sit on the couch and turn on the TV to finally watch your favorite show. Which you’ll both enjoy for 15 minutes before you pass out on the couch like usual.