Kid Craziness, Mom Life

Closing Time

Ah, chores. Is there anything worse than realizing you got the kids to bed but your day isn’t over yet. In fact, you’re just starting the closing procedures. Like that of a restaurant turning it’s open sign to closed for the night.

You look at the house and it’s like a toy explosion met a food explosion. Even if you wanted to sit down, you’d have to pick between sitting on a pile of broken crayons or a half eaten PB&J that has a footprint smashed into it. So you put up your white flag and slowly start the grueling process.

First, the kitchen…

Like a professional Tetris player, you fit every dirty dish into the dishwasher. Then you turn around and raise your arms in victory while awaiting cheers and applause.  

But before you pop your champagne in celebration, a new player enters the game. Your husband with an empty pint glass. But before he gets anywhere near that empty sink, you quickly open another beer.

Your husband, confused by this dilemma of either wasting a beer because he wants to go to bed or drinking it because throwing a beer away is blasphemy, he reluctantly takes a sip while glaring at you as he walks back into the family room.

Next, laundry.

You forage various dirty clothes from all over the house like a squirrel finding acorns for the winter. You stuff everything in the washing machine and like a pitcher in the world series, hurl a Tide Pod in there and slam the door.

Finally, the family room.

Toys, books, crumbs, shoes…It’s like Babies-R-Us threw up all it’s liquidated merchandise on the floors of your home. Where do you begin?

For a split second, you consider bulldozing the house and starting over. But you know the bulldozer will wake the kids. So one by one, you pick up the clutter.  

You temporarily envision yourself as doing community service picking up trash from the side of the road. And then are snapped back into reality when you step on the baby’s keyboard and it starts belting out “B-I-N-G-O”.

After about 20 minutes of mindless, Roomba-like actions, you finish. You actually made your house look like 2 small, rabid spider monkeys didn’t break in and ravage your dwelling. That’s no small achievement.

Take a seat on the couch and marvel at your work. Because you know in a few short hours, your kids will see your organization as a challenge they must destroy.

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4 years ago

It’s never ending, and you try to get it all done quickly so you can attempt to get to bed at a a decent time because the circus will be starting again the next day.

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