How I knew I was meant to be a mother
I have an admiration for anyone who has the confidence to boldly state “I always knew I was meant to be a ________.” Fill in the blank. Teacher. Lounge singer. Small-time criminal. Big-time lawyer. To have a sense of destiny in what you do, what you call yourself.
More often than not, I feel like I have clumsily fallen (perhaps tripped on a Tickle Me Elmo) into the role of being a mother. There was no choir of angels, no parting of the clouds, no moment I could specifically point to where I knew it was meant to be. Even two years in after having my first child, I feel like I’m piecing it together like some awkward freshman at the local university’s improv comedy group.
Maybe it was always meant to be. Maybe I just need take a trip back, read the tea leaves, and know that it was destiny or whatever. So here are the ways I knew, deep down, I was meant to be a mother.
- Proclivity for having snacks and/or hand sanitizer on me at all times.
- Insane reflexes for protecting my Taco Bell from falling out of the passenger seat and onto the floor when I hit the breaks. Also good for protecting small children from injury. I mean taco shells are far more fragile, really.
- Spot-on impersonator of Roz from Monsters Inc. (I’m watching you, Wazowski.)
- Super animated story-teller. Comes in handy at keggers and also for keeping you at the edge of your seat during The Monster at the End of This Book.
- Huge (and growing) collection of yoga pants.
- High pain tolerance, good for birthing and stepping on legos.
- Predisposition to dark under-eye circles (Did I get a full eight consecutive hours sleep or five hours broken into 3 segments? You will never know).
- Very doughy mom-bod even pre-mom, perfect for cuddling tiny overlords.
- Great at removing laundry stains from sloppy kid’s clothing as I was (am) a sloppy adult.
- Semi-adequate singing voice for cranking out a mediocre cover of Boston’s More Than A Feeling at karaoke. Also suffices for lullabies, which may or may not also include Boston’s More Than A Feeling.
- Really good at making scrambled eggs and peanut butter sandwiches.
- Favorite cocktail is a dirty vodka martini (mostly in it for the olives – see no.1 about fondness of snacks). What else needs to be shaken? Bottles. But not babies. Never shake babies.
- Preexisting love for Target on late mornings during the week.
- Never had to talk me into going to a zoo or aquarium.
- I, too, am also fond of naps, goldfish crackers, and apple juice. I call it the holy trinity.
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About The Authors
THE MOMS
Dara and Emily are two stay-at-home moms living in North Carolina who survive the everyday chaos of parenting by handling it with humor and lots of wine. I mean so much wine. Really.
Latest Tweets
9 wrote a song called “My Mummy Has A Squishy Tummy” and he’s singing it while his brother and sister play harmonica and bongos and I seem to have unlocked an ultimate level of parenting hell
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I was cooking dinner when 4 said “mummy I want to be a police officer when I grow up”. When I asked why she looked me straight in the eye and said “so I can arrest people who make horrible meals” then carried on playing with her dolls house
Friend: What’s it like to host a kids’ birthday party?
Me: Imagine giving crystal meth to a bunch of hungry squirrels, and then hosting a squirrel rodeo in your backyard. It’s like that.
Friend: What?
Me: What?
My brand can best be described as “burps up pizza while working out”.