How I knew I was meant to be a mother
I have an admiration for anyone who has the confidence to boldly state “I always knew I was meant to be a ________.” Fill in the blank. Teacher. Lounge singer. Small-time criminal. Big-time lawyer. To have a sense of destiny in what you do, what you call yourself.
More often than not, I feel like I have clumsily fallen (perhaps tripped on a Tickle Me Elmo) into the role of being a mother. There was no choir of angels, no parting of the clouds, no moment I could specifically point to where I knew it was meant to be. Even two years in after having my first child, I feel like I’m piecing it together like some awkward freshman at the local university’s improv comedy group.
Maybe it was always meant to be. Maybe I just need take a trip back, read the tea leaves, and know that it was destiny or whatever. So here are the ways I knew, deep down, I was meant to be a mother.
- Proclivity for having snacks and/or hand sanitizer on me at all times.
- Insane reflexes for protecting my Taco Bell from falling out of the passenger seat and onto the floor when I hit the breaks. Also good for protecting small children from injury. I mean taco shells are far more fragile, really.
- Spot-on impersonator of Roz from Monsters Inc. (I’m watching you, Wazowski.)
- Super animated story-teller. Comes in handy at keggers and also for keeping you at the edge of your seat during The Monster at the End of This Book.
- Huge (and growing) collection of yoga pants.
- High pain tolerance, good for birthing and stepping on legos.
- Predisposition to dark under-eye circles (Did I get a full eight consecutive hours sleep or five hours broken into 3 segments? You will never know).
- Very doughy mom-bod even pre-mom, perfect for cuddling tiny overlords.
- Great at removing laundry stains from sloppy kid’s clothing as I was (am) a sloppy adult.
- Semi-adequate singing voice for cranking out a mediocre cover of Boston’s More Than A Feeling at karaoke. Also suffices for lullabies, which may or may not also include Boston’s More Than A Feeling.
- Really good at making scrambled eggs and peanut butter sandwiches.
- Favorite cocktail is a dirty vodka martini (mostly in it for the olives – see no.1 about fondness of snacks). What else needs to be shaken? Bottles. But not babies. Never shake babies.
- Preexisting love for Target on late mornings during the week.
- Never had to talk me into going to a zoo or aquarium.
- I, too, am also fond of naps, goldfish crackers, and apple juice. I call it the holy trinity.
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About The Authors
THE MOMS
Dara and Emily are two stay-at-home moms living in North Carolina who survive the everyday chaos of parenting by handling it with humor and lots of wine. I mean so much wine. Really.
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I’m a Gen Xer so I adapt to new technology like a Millennial but get angry about it like a Boomer.
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The only useful parenting advice I’ve ever had:
It takes two to argue
Say what you will about women, but the most gossipy bitches I know are my husband and his dad when they get together and talk about people from their home town.
When do kids stop treating you like you’re just another chair? Is it 5? I’m hoping it’s 5.