One nagging thought that pops up every so often while being an average-at-best homemaker is returning to work. Eventually my children will be seen fading into the distance on a yellow school bus and I will be left with a void likely to be filled with gainful employment after a rather unconvincing argument that the dog needs full-time care.
Will my time spent raising my children put me at a disadvantage? How do I convey that I am able to pick up right where I left off? In these times of anxiety, I find brushing up on my resume works best for tempering my fears. So I present to you my most current revision.
Emily S. A. Homies
321 Whichever Dr. ❖ Wherever, North Carolina ❖ (123) 555-1234
Stay-at-Home Mom with background in legal field. Experienced in providing support to attorneys, getting poop stains out of laundry, and altering lyrics to pop hits to accommodate diaper changes, bedtime, baths, etc.
❖Law Office Support
❖Temper Tantrum Management
❖Respond promptly to crises, such as projectile spit-up, not liking today’s peanut butter sandwich despite liking it every other damn day, and the WiFi going out and taking Thomas and Friends with it.
❖Manage 2 children’s calendars, who honestly don’t care if you’re trying to go to Target today because their morning is booked with blowouts and taking two hours to eat breakfast.
❖Juggle several tasks at once, including trying to keep a toddler entertained and not touching any surfaces while using a public restroom.
❖Adapt quickly to ever-changing situations, such as my toddler deciding poison oak would make a lovely bouquet or having a sudden, violent aversion to footie pajamas.
❖Function on as little sleep as humanly possible while power napping during an episode of Sesame Street.
June 2011-March 2017
❖Helped lawyers with legal things.