Doc McStuffins – Thanks for teaching my kids to bust up their toys and try and “fix” them. I now have a teddy bear that my kid ripped open, pulled stuffing out and then mushed her glue stick all over it to close it back up. Looks like the Doc doesn’t really know her stuff.
Curious George – Now my daughter thinks it’s okay to try and bake cookies by herself in the middle of the night. Since apparently George can break major laws and destroy an entire town and never be euthanized for terrorizing his community.
Paw Patrol – My daughter chases and yells “Ryder needs you!” at the neighbor’s dog.
Sesame Street – Thanks Cookie Monster. Now my kid goes into a full on rage on a cookie when I give her one and cookie pieces fly everywhere. Then you have Elmo and his annoying baby voice that my kid has adopted. You know what today’s letters are? F and U.
Cat in the Hat – A Cat that breaks into a house where 2 young children live when their parents aren’t around and trashes the joint? Thanks for teaching my kids how to commit their first crime. But at least your not a serial criminal like George i guess.
Thomas the Train – Thanks for showing my child how to mess up even the most menial tasks. You’re a train. On a track. Hauling stuff from point A to point B. Come on Thomas. Do better.
Bob the Builder – Get off your ass and do something Bob. I get you’re a superintendent and are used to telling other people what to do. But help me out here, man. My 3yo watches you and then sits on the couch and tells me to pick up all her toys. Wanna be educational? Tell her how to pitch in a little. That would be way more helpful.
Caillou – Kill me. Seriously. Pass me the antifreeze and I’ll willingly drink it if you don’t make me watch this EVER again. Want to make a criminal talk? Put him in a chair and turn this show on for just 30 minutes. He’ll sing like a canary.
Barney – How is this show still on? Besides the fact that the song makes me feel instant rage and then I have to pretend to be happy and entertained when my kid sings it to me for the entire 20 minute car ride to gymnastics because she loves it so much? Hey Barney. “I hate you, I really do, want to find you and punch you.”
Harry the Bunny – Can we stop for a moment and talk about how unbelievably massive Harry’s hands are? It’s like the designers weren’t even trying. And his repetitive laugh is as fake as his man hands. This entire show looks like it was created on a $10 budget.