7:30am – I hear stirring over the monitor which is my cue to start my day. Do I have time to take a shower? No. I hear my bosses calling for me to come to their offices. I arrive and help both bosses change into their work attire.
7:55am – Bring them both their breakfast and listen to their lists of tasks and demands they need me to do today. One boss is not satisfied with their breakfast and instructs me to fix it. I correct my error and return it to him. Upon my return, my other boss has thrown their food in anger. Apparently, her waffles were not up to par. I’ve learned a valuable lesson that I need only ⅝ of a teaspoon of syrup on her waffles. No more, no less.
8:20am – Let them work in playroom with their ridiculous inventory of toys.
8:25am – Bosses are bored. I proceed to engage them in various activities. All activities last 10 minutes before both are bored and want to do the next activity.
9:30am – They request for my superior to take over. I turn on the TV.
9:30am – 10:30am – Bosses are in a conference meeting with TV. I finally eat breakfast and proceed with my numerous tasks I’ve been assigned.
10:30am – Pick up toys in playroom and inform first boss that she has an outside meeting to attend at the park with some colleagues. Ask her to put on her shoes while I help the other one get ready. Go and pack lunches.
10:32am – Ask first boss to put on her shoes.
10:35am – Ask her to put on her shoes again.
10:40am – Ask her to put on her shoes again.
10:45am – Ask her to put on her shoes again.
10:50am – I help first boss put on her shoes.
11:00am – Carry one boss in a carrier, carry purse on other arm, carry hand of other boss who has decided to jump from step to step down the stairs instead of walking. I inform her that’s how we break legs. My wisdom falls on deaf ears as she continues jumping from step to step. Load bosses in company car and head to meeting.
11:25am – 12:30pm – Arrive at location and wait on a bench when my bosses attend meeting. Inform her not to eat dandelions, not to run into the parking lot, not to eat that piece of old chewing gum and to keep her pants on. She’s selective on which pieces of advice to take.
12:30pm – Set lunches up for both of them. One eats 4 bites and runs back into meeting. Other one falls asleep halfway through lunch.
12:40pm – 2:00pm – Meeting continues, I talk with employees that work for other companies. We reminisce about our freedom we used to have before we became employed. We discuss issues we’re having with our bosses. And of course we discuss getting together for dinner and drinks in a couple days. However, we all know that our bosses would have to approve the time off and that doesn’t happen often.
2:30pm – We arrive home and both bosses are asleep. I carry both of them upstairs and put them in their offices. I creep downstairs quietly and prepare my lunch.
2:50pm – 4:30pm – I eat my lunch and watch a show on volume 2 so not to disturb them. I finish my lunch in 15 min and get up and proceed with my daily duties. Clean and fold clothes, wash and unload dishes, prep dinner, catch up on various other tasks. Get scared numerous times when I start hearing fussing upstairs in one of their offices. Stay completely still and silently beg for them to stay asleep each time.
4:30pm – 5:45pm – Engage in activities with both of them. Offer advice to one boss about how jumping off the couch and over the other boss is a bad idea. Also, try and convince her that running around with toilet paper stuck in her butt and screaming she’s a bunny isn’t a professional look. My co-worker arrives at work. Start dinner while he catches up with bosses.
6:10pm – 7:30pm – Yes you read that timeline correctly. One boss takes over an hour to eat mac-n-cheese. Me and my co-worker try and convince her to take bites and hurry up. Finally my co-worker takes the other boss upstairs to his office and gets him ready to clock out. I stay and wait out the marathon feast.
7:45pm – Start to prepare my boss to clock out. Brush her teeth and ask her to switch out of her work clothes. She proceeds to run around the room naked. I inform her HR does not approve. She dismisses my threats and continues. After making her put clothes on, my boss starts reprimanding me by yelling, screaming and throwing herself on the floor.
8:05pm – Boss calms down. I read her some periodicals and then tell her I’ll see her at work tomorrow.
8:15pm – 10:15pm – Boss continues to sing, talk, open her office door, call for me and scream she has to go potty.
10:30pm – Boss finally clocks out. I have a glass of wine and go to sleep so I can try and be ready for the next work day.